There’s no getting around it, our choice of words matter. They have the power to heal and to harm, to bless and to blame, to inspire and to insult. The Book of Proverbs has plenty to say about this subject , here are just a few of the references (10:19, 12:18, 13:3, 15:1, 15:2, 15:23, 16:21, 16:23, 16:24, 17:27, 18:7, 18:21, 25:11, 25:15).
If you’re in a leadership role (and let’s face it, everyone is to some extent as our actions are always being observed by someone else) then you need to pay particular attention to your choice of words for several reasons. I’ll assume (probably a poor choice of words) you know the first one: that the wrong words at the wrong time can cause irreparable damage. There are a couple of other reasons I plan to dive into further, the first one is Perception.
Perceiving is believing
One of my favorite websites is www.KissThisGuy.com. No, it isn’t what you’re thinking, it’s an online archive of misunderstood lyrics. You’ll appreciate the site if you’ve ever been singing along with a song while a friend is in the car, and then have them burst out laughing and correct you on the lyrics. Note that this has never happened to me ;-)
It happens countless times in the media, the person claims rightly or wrongly that they were “misquoted” in the paper and meant no real harm. The painful realization is that while the intentions may be honorable, all that really matters is how the person or group you’re speaking to hears, understands or perceives your words.
As a leader, and more importantly as a husband and father, I’ve had to learn this difficult lesson the hard way… “It’s not what you say it’s what people perceived you said”. There are countless times when I believe I’ve clearly communicated something yet the results were different than I intended.
So choose your words carefully and if you later feel misunderstood don’t assume (there’s that word again) that the other person understood your original intent. Perhaps you’re unaware that your non-verbal communication is acting counterintuitive to the intent of your message. Seek first to understand the other person's perspective and what they believe they heard rather than getting frustrated.
My next blog will address how semantics can change your environment and culture.
Curtis S