Hello... Hello... Is this thing on?
One benefit to Fellowship Technologies that you may or may
not know is that Big
Brother is watching. No, this isn't
the fictional character in George
Orwell's novel Nineteen Eighty-Four. But
rather our nerdy database team tucked away in a dark corner in a nondescript
building at 5605 N MacArthur Blvd, Irving TX. They
are always monitoring, checking, and rechecking the health of the Fellowship
One database. Each person on this team
has multiple computer monitors with strange graphs and numbers constantly
changing and refreshing.
Besides the obvious
stuff like making sure the server is running, they are also analyzing how you
are asking for data and making sure that we are returning it in the most efficient
way. Through this monitoring it has
recently come to my attention that no one is listening to me when I am on the
road implementing Fellowship One. If you
were you would not be doing this:
I bet the light bulb just turned on and now you are ready to
repent. No? Ok let me explain what you
are looking at. This graph is from
Sunday June 22, there were 52K (Check-in version 2.5) searches for the day.
This data only represents a portion of the overall Check-in traffic, there were
205K total Check-in 2.5 methods called. The problem with the numbers is the
first bar which represents name searches.
There were over 20,000 name searches performed when trying to check
people in. That number is way too
high. Why? Because name searches are more
prone to mistakes. "Hi Welcome to Super
Duper Mega Church can I get your last name? Masolaouski? Is that with one Z or
two?" Versus "Hi Welcome to Super Duper
Mega Church can I get the last 4 digits of your phone number? 1919. Welcome back Mr. Maslouski, will you be
checking in Maggie, Marcie, Mark, and Zagloob?"
Now to be fair some of you are doing terrific. This next graph represents one church that is
doing it almost right. The first bar
represents bar code searches which is fantastic. That is the best, most efficient way to check
in. Way to go Super Duper Mega Church!
You know who you are. But before you get
too slap happy look at that next bar which represents name searches. When
someone forgets their bar code you are using name as a backup search
option. The third pancake (I can't even
call it a bar) represents phone number searches. Those two should be reversed.

The last issue that I want to speak openly about is the
churches that are using our assisted check in option as self check in.
The next graph represents name searches that we pulled out
of the system. I am guessing that a
highly trained check-in volunteer did not type this into the system.
We have changed some of the names to protect the "innocent"
and we definitely removed the vulgar search items that we found. I am still blushing from some of the search
requests. This isn't a dating service
people!
Assisted Check-In was designed to be "Assisted", meaning
that a volunteer checks in the family into their classrooms. We have a great
new self check-in application that protects the data integrity of the church
and allows for self-sufficient members or regular attendees to check themselves
in. I have heard the argument before
"our members are smart enough to figure out your very well designed Assisted
Check-In solution, and our teenagers would never do anything inappropriate." The
above searches prove otherwise.
If you haven't yet NOW IS THE TIME TO
REPENT. Take the training classes
again. Listen to the soft soothing voice
of Bill Wheaton lull you into submissive understanding. Download THIS DOCUMENT which will give your check-in
volunteer the approved party line on how to properly check in people that don't
have their bar codes Happy Passes.
Stay with the flock...
Matthew McMaster
Delivery Manager (and mind control expert)