People always talk about how you should balance work and family but they can never tell you how to do it. How do you measure whether you are balancing work and family appropriately? Especially when you are in the moment. The reality is, you probably won’t be able to truely measure it until your kids are grown and they call you to tell you how great of a parent you were or you celebrate your 50th wedding anniversary. But I think there are some things that you can do today to foster that response 20 years from now…
1. Work a set amount of hours and then let work go. When you are at work, work. When you are at home, be at home not with work on your mind. I work from 6:45–4:00 every day. That is 9 hours and 15 minutes. I do eat lunch at my desk about 3 days a week (and it only takes me 7 minutes to eat a lot of food, too!) and I go out to lunch with co-workers or friends or my husband 2 days a week. Which helps me stay connected to people I really enjoy. So Fellowship Technologies gets about 62 hours of my time at the office each week, plus I do work about 2-4 hours each week at night and on the weekend depending on what is happening in my world of work. So let’s say they get 66 hours a week of me. My co-workers respect my time and know I leave at 4. They schedule meetings around me and work with me, which makes me 100% more engaged at work since they support my need to be with my kids.
2. Parent on Purpose. This schedule allows me to spend about 4 ½ hours each week night with my kids, not much time in the scheme of life when I am supposed to be teaching them about life, love and God. But when I am home, I am home. They get my full attention and I am not on office calls or email or even looking at my phone. I am their mom, supporting homework, playing football, playing on Webkins, cooking a meal together and just hanging out watching Sponge Bob. They do not have to compete with my work, they know they come first. It is never a question, I would always choose them over a work. They are secure and self-assured that I protect our time together.
3. Support your Spouse. I happen to be the helpmate in the relationship but I am also the bread-winner which makes our situation a little unique. I get to walk in the shoes of many of my male counterparts. Derrell and I get about 3 hours each night to foster a strong marriage. Fortunately we are skilled communicators so we get really good quality time in that 3 hours unless a football game is on, but we have even worked that out. I get a massage on Monday nights while he watches football. But we are both always looking for ways to serve each other and I am blessed to have him.
4. Get with God. I do my quiet times a little different than the biblically prescribed method of morning. I get to work, work a while and then read my Proverbs 31 woman devotion that was sent via email. I also study God’s word at night after my children have gone to bed. Right now I am studying the Excellent Wife. Hopefully some of it will sink in! It is living in obedience and God’s Word that I find He either makes more hours in the day for me or He creates a peace about all the chaos in my day.
5. Take Mini Vacations with your family. I love an adventure and love to travel. I plan a mini-family vacation for my family once a quarter (can you tell I am a corporate girl). That gives me something to look forward to without breaking the budget. I need an escape from my daily routines and life in general about once every 3 months to reconnect with my family away from my house. And I am sure my co-workers need a break from me as well (I am a bit much). It may only be a four day weekend but it is a great solution to my need for adventure and it does wonders for the attitude.
6. Say No. Saying no to what is good to do something great is always hard, but practice makes perfect. My dad always says you can do what you want when your kids are grown, now is the time to spend with them. If you want to be a missionary do it when they are gone. Right now, your mission is your children. And that does not mean having them in 400 different activities. That means one sport per season and spending time getting to know your children. Show them balance by providing them with balance. We are striving for well rounded kids that can adapt to any situation. We are accomplishing this. They travel, they experience diverse situations, they can play sports but they are not consumed by them, they know education is a number one priority, they are social but not obsessed, they are comfortable in their own skin because they have a safe environment at home and they welcome change.
7. Let go of the Superwoman/Superman Concept. It is ok if your yard has a few weeds, it is ok if the dishes stay in the sink overnight, it’s ok if the car has some dirt on it. Cleanliness is not next to Godliness! Nowhere in the bible does it tell me to make sure everyone on my block thinks I have the cleanest house, nicest car or well groomed yard. It does tell me to take care of things God has placed under me but it does not mean being obsessed by the stuff.
8. Live by 10.10.80. Tithe 10%, Save 10% and Enjoy 80%. People get into so much trouble when they live outside of their means. God has blessed you with a certain wage. He wants to know if you can manage the wage he has given you so He can give you more. If you can’t manage what he has entrusted to you, He might not give you more. The bible is very specific about being a good steward. Don’t forget to ENJOY the 80%. That is they money you can do what you want with. When you are living within your means you are free to enjoy it, which causes less “issues” between you and your spouse.
Learning to set boundaries with work and family is the best thing you can do to help you stay engaged and satisfied on your job.
You can enjoy both. Tam