Transparency is to show oneself; having the proper transmittal of light (for our purposes we are going to assume this light is from God); free from pretense or deceit and readily understood. All of those definitions are great when you are trying to create a holistic work environment where people are growing personally, professionally and spiritually. In order to grow personally you have to show “who” you are and what you know, to grow professionally you have to be readily understood without pretense or deceit and to grow spiritually others need to be able to see the light of God transmitted through you. All good definitions to follow, unless boundaries are crossed with others! God wants us to be transparent but He desires our transparency to be with Him completely and not necessarily with the people we live and work with each day.
How much transparency is too much? Are we supposed to say everything that comes to our mind? Are we supposed to show our true colors to everyone? Nope, I don’t think so, yet so many of us get comfortable with those we work with and we think we can say and do just about anything because we are being “transparent.” We think it is “healthy” to get it all out on the table. We think because we have certain boundaries that everyone else has those same boundaries. But the harsh reality is that not everyone can handle our transparency and not everyone has had the same life experiences so they view situations differently than we do. We think that because we are “Christians” that we will be forgiven when we wrong another with just an “I’m sorry, you know the way I am.”
God gifted each of us with emotions. He also gifted us with the Holy Spirit in order to guide those emotions. Lots of you know Galatians 5:22-23, but the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. This passage reminds us that if we live in the spirit we will produce those emotional fruits. My last post talked about “putting on love” to those around you, even when you don’t feel like it. Just like practicing putting on love, we have to practice controlling our emotions.
One area we can grow into is; learning to use our emotions to think, but not to think with our emotions. So often we get that backwards and we think with our emotions, which causes us to say and do things that we sometimes regret later, it is transparency without boundaries at its finest! We should practice being an observer to our emotions rather than a reactor to our emotions. This is probably the longest life lesson for some of us with a little more energy, curiosity and passion than others. We should be truthful about our emotions to God and then He will guide us in how to use our mind and those emotions to bring Him glory.
I don’t want to discourage you from being transparent with others. But what I do want to encourage you to do is to set clear boundaries with your transparency. Without clear boundaries for yourself and others, you can impact someone’s life without really realizing it. Everyone should have a few close co-workers, Christian friends and family that they can share everything about themselves with but choose wisely and set clear boundaries ahead of time. When you cross another person’s boundary; repent.
Here are a few reminders in how to safely use transparency:
In a safe environment with a trusted person…YES
If you are reacting with a God-Honoring response…YES
If it causes you to be disobedient to God’s Word…NO
If it is going to cause another person to sin…NO
If it is going to cause another person unnecessary grief…NO
Practice makes perfect and I pray you will practice observing your emotions rather than reacting to your emotions and learning to use your emotions to think rather than thinking with your emotions. God can change us!
Just Believe Him! Tam